Less than a week to go before I have an assessment for ADHD.

I’ll be straight with you, I’m a bit scared. Worried that I might be told that my symptoms are not consistent with a diagnosis. Then all the traits that I identify as being very ADHD-like will need another explanation.

My adult son was diagnosed within the last year and genetics certainly seems to play a significant part though there is no guarantee that it follows down the family tree.

I remember feeling like this in January before I saw my GP where I went in thinking I was depressed and came out with an antidepressant, Sertraline. What a relief to have someone recognise my struggles – I cried a lot and tried not to show the tears when sat in the pharmacy waiting for my meds.

Of course it does lead me to wonder whether I have been depressed for a long time or whether it’s undiagnosed ADHD and the stress of traits causing problems in work and home life without explanation.

It therefore feels a bit chicken and egg; for most of my life I’ve felt different, unseen and almost invisible and easily forgettable. But was this ADHD.

Does it matter even if I don’t get a diagnosis of ADHD?

Yes of course, getting a diagnosis would mean that someone independently looked at my situation and behaviours using evidence submitted by my partner to help and came to the conclusion that I have been living in with ADHD.

If I don’t get a diagnosis I will continue working with my therapist on the unhelpful traits that can trip me up and make me feel sad and misunderstood. If I do, I’ll feel like I’ve joined some kind of club or community (and I love subscriptions) and it will feel like a new start.

Perhaps I’ll discover who I really am when you strip away the identifying myself through my work and fitting in with everyone to stay below the radar.

I’ve thought a few times about whether I would want to keep posting and raising awareness of ADHD if I am deemed not to meet the criteria.

I’m not sure but I think I perhaps would as people like my son and other adults recognising traits are hopefully going to be helped by seeking help. That’s got to be worth my efforts but let’s see what happens eh?