One thing I’ve noticed since reading up on ADHD is that it is hard if you’re prone to comparing yourself with others to get a feel for who and where you’re at.

This is particularly the case for ADHD where many people getting a late diagnosis dismiss thoughts of it, as I did, because I didn’t see myself as a hyperactive kid or someone who can’t stop talking. Little did I know.

Social media is brilliant in terms of connecting people, many of whom may not have many close friends and can go days without seeing anybody. It is also fraught with problems when it comes to neurosis and being impacted by opinions of others, experiences of others.

My pet peeve at the moment is the all or nothing statements surrounding ADHD which seems to put everyone into a category and forgets that neurodivergent people are individuals too. Posts on social media such as:

“ADHDers are great, they remember loads of stuff and can recall obscure details but then forget how to spell their name” or,

“Having ADHD is such an advantage over neurotypical people” so if you’re struggling with an ADHD diagnosis you may feel like you’re not ‘doing’ ADHD well. Also, does every person who is not neurodivergent like being labelled as ‘neurotypical?’ What is typical of anything in humanity?

I get that it is helpful to have terms for people with diagnosed disorders/conditions/issues/barriers (whatever you want to call them) but they can be reductive and it can make you feel lost, more than usual.

Please don’t compare yourself with anyone you read about. Phrases going through your head such as “I’m not as ADHD as them!” or “I haven’t really got proper ADHD as I have a decent job and a relationship” and when you see people really struggling with it, it’s not to say that yours is trivial.

You may have ADHD, you may get tagged as neurodivergent but when you’ve met one person with ADHD you’ve met one person with ADHD. How it affects you both positively and negatively is a highly individual matter and no two experiences are going to be the same.

For me, I am coming to terms with the diagnosis and awaiting a full report which I hope will help to answer some questions. I am no more or less ADHD than anyone else but what will differ between us is how many mechanisms we have put in place consciously or otherwise to overcome challenges that ADHD throws at us – even if we didn’t know that we were having that challenge!

Jimmy Carr the stand up comedian and TV host etc said on SubStack recently that you should be yourself as everyone else is taken (or words to that effect). So be the best and most you that you can be. If I’m learning anything it’s to embrace what makes you unique, different and interesting. If you talk to yourself aloud when nobody is around keep doing it. If you sound like you have a running commentary on your life all the time in your head, keep going. Perhaps write some of it down for reflecting on at a later date. If you want to spend hours creating your own newest hobbies or setting up networks etc go for it. If you want to sit in the bath for ages and just think about how we’re all made of stars, do it. Take your time. Whose business is it but yours?

Accepting yourself for who you are is surely what freedom is, and part of a diagnosis is that adventure of finding out who you are. Deep down and without artifice, pretence and basically you in your quietest moments when nobody is talking to you and you have nowhere else to be. Many of us with ADHD have spent long parts of our lives feeling unseen, not really seen for who we are underneath all the roles we adopt. Perhaps we have problems seeing ourselves too and so there is much learning to do.

Don’t compare yourself or your experience with anyone else, nothing and nobody compares 2U and nobody ever will.

P.S. I prefer the Prince version but they’re both blinking good!