So for me this is real, I’ve decided to go back to work on Monday (5th) after 6 weeks of sick leave.

I’ll be going back to half-days initially and reviewing as we go – a phased return as we call it.

I hope that this helps anyone considering the same or who are away from work and considering when and how to go back.

In my case the absence is aimed at preventing a debilitating burnout and a much longer absence. I am someone who is rarely sick even when I should be with that can-do stoicism and can-do approach which sounds good but can be toxic to the self and in setting expectations for others.

This time last year I was put on antidepressants for the first time, I felt low and lost and didn’t know why. It’s not brand new, I’ve been in therapy since 2010 sometimes weekly, sometimes fortnightly or monthly. I went to therapy initially because I felt that I couldn’t maintain romantic relationships after yet another failed one where I started blinded by infatuation but fed up and bored by the end.

So back to now and a year on SSRIs (the meds) and I also felt overwhelm from an ADHD diagnosis in November. If you’d have asked me this time last year about the chances of this happening I would have laughed on your face – “what me? No chance!”

Dealing with a new realisation about so many things that I do, at times dysfunctionally, has been enlightening but also scary and frustrating that I didn’t piece it all together sooner rather than get past 50.

Still, a late diagnosis feels more helpful than no diagnosis. I was told that I scored 9 out of 9 for the inattentive part and 5 out of 9 for the hyperactive/impulsive part so a bit of a cocktail.

So having been off work there were things to consider when starting this absence:

I. Would I know when to go back and how? I decided that when the thought of work didn’t make me angry that would be a good marker

II. How would I use my time? Simply try to rest and do nothing of nite, just lie around? It’s not an option for me, I’m happiest when doing and around that time i’d thrown myself into learning about ADHD starting a website (hyperfocused.co.uk) and social media presence to raise awareness and I guess for catharsis for me. I have had to slow down so it doesn’t feel like another job delaying a return to work.

I have used the time to do more around family commitments and explore more about the life I want to lead, intentionally rather than just motoring on.

III. Was there anything I couldn’t do on sick leave?

This is tricky because I had no rulebook for this as such but a lot was happening particularly leading up to the Christmas break. I did cancel a few nights out including a gig at Rock City in Nottingham as I felt it would’ve been appropriate for me to have been seen out there. I also cancelled going to the team festive lunch figuring if I couldn’t work I shouldn’t go and given that some of my stress is work-related I needed a complete time out.

Personally I think that common sense should prevail here, no blanket rules but being sensible.

IV. How it felt being ‘off sick’

I didn’t love it and felt like a fraud much of the time given that my issues were invisible and not physical when I do a pretty sedentary job running a GP organisation. There are folks working on building sites every day and I tootle downstairs to the desk setup in the living room and transform into a worker bee but it felt odd staying away but it was important to impose a clean break which would allow me to return sooner.

V. What will change to prevent a full burnout?

Hopefully the combination of getting to grips with the ADHD diagnosis and accessing support through an ADHD coach and continuing the therapy plus talking to my team about it and reintegrating over time.

It’s odd being in a leadership role as I’m used to supporting others with this kind of situation so I’m trying to afford myself the same compassion.

I look forward to exploring more about how best to help colleagues at work by letting them in more on my challenges and abilities with greater and novel insights. There is a natural fear when off that people get used to you being away and insecurity plus loss of confidence in yourself can build, if doing is important to you. A popular phrase around looking at your work/life balance is to be less a human doing and more a human being!

I’m looking forward to going back to work in some ways but I am going to be a lot more deliberate in everything I do. Health is wealth and at the end of it all it’s all you’ve got really that means much.

If you’re considering returning to work from sick leave meet your line manager and be honest about what may need to change to help you return. Your employers have a duty to your health and wellbeing as you do too. Of course if you go back to soon or without an adequate plan you could have to step back and rebuild again. Be honest about your feelings and take it step by step – better for you and your employers. You do need supportive employers of course.

Good luck, and if you’re off and have ADHD stay in touch!