Doesn’t sound too ambitious does it? But I’ve realised that I want to be good enough. Not perfect, but good enough.

For my 51 years I have tried through work to always hit the top marks and get things just right which usually means way over the top and probably more than most other people would do.

Why is this and how could you take something from my change of approach?

Some examples of me doing far too much, way more than good enough:

Spreadsheet with every penny that I spend recorded on it to keep me from losing track of my expenditure versus income

Spreadsheet capturing all of my hours to the costs 15minutes for every working hour

Being tasked to show my partner a proposal to get back into the car market and replace the dirty diesel with an EV and providing a comprehensive PowerPoint presentation with national charger data and info about different cars on each slide including even a range of review scores

Checking draft minutes and pointing out errors in the alphabetical order of attendees for example -it’s ‘right’ but does it really matter in the long run?

In short, I overcompensate to ensure that what I do is beyond question, comprehensive and convincing. Truth is that I’m wasting time and energy on the off chance that someone wants to see all my workings, and who has time for that?

Why is this?

Before finding out about my ADHD I thought I was just scared of failure so did over and above what was needed, that may still be true. Coupled with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) this can be a very challenging though interlinked process.

You are forever trying to prove yourself and its hard not to go over and beyond and the fear of criticism or worse still rejection or excommunication is scary.

Must we live in fear?

For some of us with ADHD we naturally look for threats and we therefore develop and over-vigilant approach to things which makes us look thorough and professional but can be paralysing and unrewarding.

I recall from studying integrative psychotherapy the motion of ‘good enough’ often around parenting and providing a ‘solid base’ for children. Not perfect you note, good enough.

What about applying that to work. Delivering a proposal for a work business decision and throw everything at it pre-empting any questions may be about good preparation but could also be wasted energy.

So I think that we (yes including myself) should aspire to be good enough and allow ourselves to tolerate less than perfect which would also show that we accept the same from others and that humans err. It’s hard though and if you like control it is hard to stand down from aiming for ridiculously high standards when you know how ridiculous they are.

Take care though not to drop any standards completely, but aim for good enough. Particularly when delegating work and getting it back. What can be more demotivating that your line manager feeding back as if they’ve just marked homework? (sorry to anyone else done that to).