I asked my partner a few months ago about whether I’d got worse with my inattentiveness and other traits since November.

She said that she thinks now that I’ve unmasked and talk openly about what’s going on that it is more obvious rather than something being compensated for.

To be fair to her, she has said before that she didn’t get how I held down a responsible job but seems a mess outside of work at times (she might have called me an idiot, jokingly).

It’s a bitter sweet thing being diagnosed – on one hand knowledge is power and if you get into it you can learn about how to better cope. On the other hand knowledge can be worrying as you are now in the knowledge that this isn’t going away, it’s real etc so it’s here for life.

But,

It doesn’t mean that you are lazy, broken, defective or any of these descriptors (though I’m sure I can be lazy at times!) but we are wired differently and can be dysregulated often.

What is dysregulated? To me it is when you are out of balance, spiralling down or sometimes flying high but away from being in a sustainable place. Emotions can be close to the surface and triggered by seemingly innocuous things.

So getting a diagnosis in my experience is majorly helpful because –

• You can read up about ADHD and learn from others
• You can access targeted help through ADHD coaching, therapy, workplace adjustments, medication etc
• You can look back at your life to date with a kinder attitude towards yourself and perhaps compassion for the first time
• You can build a language with significant others, friends, co-workers etc about how it impacts you rather than just unexplained zoning out, silence, irritability
• You are more knowledgeable and aware that your will isn’t enough on its own to get stuff done, there is more at play than you control
• You can connect with others in the same boat and go through your post-diagnosis life together

So for many people getting a diagnosis it will seem at times like you may be falling apart at the seams – but now you know why.

Life might seem harder with the extra knowledge but this is about your heightened awareness and taking off that mask that for some of us we didn’t even know we were wearing.