The British stiff upper lip, stoicism or backbone – call it want you want – probably serves a purpose during wartime where there is no time for dilly dallying and it’s all hands to the pumps in anticipation of air raids. Or speaks to the need for fortitude, resilience. In regular life it sounds to me like a real put-down, I read it as ‘shut the fook up, stop whingeing’.

When there is a risk of burnout in someone, keep calm and carry on is about as much use as a fart in a spacesuit (although it could be warming I guess). It’s denying the real impact and pushing it down, like most things you push down, it’ll spring back and not always where or how you want it to.

I went to watch an evening with Mark and Lard on Monday night at the Theatre Royal in Nottingham with a mate, great it was.

For anyone unfamiliar it is Mark Radcliffe and Marc Riley and they presented the afternoon show and also the breakfast show on Radio 1 ‘back in the day’. One of their catchphrases was ‘Stop (insert pause) carry on’ and today it really resonates.

Why? It’s a daft phrase that doesn’t mean loads but today for me it means that to carry on sometimes you actually do need to stop – it’s the opposite of ‘keep calm and carry on’.

I’ve been taking antidepressants since January and now have a diagnosis of ADHD and it’s been a tough year particularly with challenges at work – to be fair the whole team have had a difficult year like no other year before. Anyone close to us knows what that means.

I noticed a couple of weeks ago that what I now term ‘emotional dysregulation’ was spilling into my work life and an outburst or two that I now regret gave me hints that all is not well. I barely ever take time off sick and it’s appalling self care and modelling of behaviours. But it comes from a place of keep calm and carry on. Also probably from an overly-developed fear of being let go of if I show any signs of weakness. After all, nobody likes a ‘poor me.’

I have opened to my colleagues at work about my struggles and am self certifying sick for next week to just get some time to breathe. To take in what a newly-diagnosed ADHD diagnosis means, to put meaning to past behaviours and try to think ahead at how I want life to look like.

It may be that a week is enough, maybe not. I need to put the oxygen mask on just as the ‘I’m ok’ mask drops (lots of mask talk, kinky!) and show some kindness and consideration to myself. This way I can be better for everyone else at work and at home.

I used to volunteer with Samaritans and ended up training new Sams too, that was a great thing to do and on reflection a privilege. I heard people calling at their wits end and dealing with all kinds of trauma and I could never do enough for them apart from be there in a non-judgemental capacity giving them time – perhaps the most valuable commodity. We always said that when they were in distress they were in a place where we could hopefully help and we wanted to avoid despair when hope can feel pretty much lost. Imagine Samaritans on a call with someone in deep distress saying “keep calm and carry on”.

I feel sometimes since starting these posts like I’m oversharing, apparently a trait common in those with ADHD but what have I got to lose? If it helps people to relate to me (not feel sorry for me) then that’s great and if it tells somebody else that they’re not alone even better. I’ll keep posting but try to lessen the rampant fixation that the potential of a diagnosis has given me.

Get balance, equilibrium ready to go again. Or in other words…

Stop…Carry On!