This is something that people with a new diagnosis (or increasingly self diagnosed) struggle with particularly with parents of a certain age.

Conversations around neurodivergence are commonplace now, to the degree that many people still don’t believe that it is a genuine disorder. When I was a kid in the 80s this wasn’t really a topic of discussion, there were the kids who were smart and those who were average then those tagged as ‘special’ meaning special needs presumably.

So it’s very hard if you’ve been seen as someone who is doing well particularly academically or at work to explain that you are being held back and affected by ADHD that they didn’t know you have. Sometimes it works the other way when you seem to be the last to know.

But back to the point, how do you go about telling people of your new diagnosis?

This is entirely my thinking and not copied from a website or generated by AI, but I think it’s about describing how it affects you with an opening statement something like this:

“I have a neurological disorder which means that my brain works differently to most people. I find it harder to control my attention or direct it to certain tasks and there is a school of thought that it exists from birth and symptoms are observed in childhood. There is no cure, it’s more about recognising where it holds me back and affects others then working with it.”

I would then suggest describing how it impacts you with examples to make it relatable such as some of my own e.g.

“When being given information verbally, I can instantly forget significant parts of it such as directions, names of people, numbers, dates etc. It helps me to have it written down to refer back to”

“When I feel that I have upset somebody I can spiral to the point that I feel very sad and sorry for myself and wonder if I am capable of holding a relationship together (romantic/friend whatever). It may be the slightest thing such as body language of who i’m talking to because i’m always on red alert and taking in lots of info about an interaction such as eye movements, laughter or lack of, facial ticks, tone of voice etc. More often than not i’m probably wrong but sometimes I am right but I take a lot to heart.”

“I get bored of things very quickly and enjoy the chase more than the catch e.g. with buying goods like gadgets, car etc. I’ve had 18 cars in 33 years as an example!”

So these examples create conditions for a conversation but care has to be taken when the person you’re opening up to identifies similar in their behaviours and shrugs your account off as something everyone experiences.

People will do this and say that they have the same issues, the question to ask is:

“Has this problem impacted your life negatively, existed since childhood and causes you sadness/distress etc and cannot be attributed to another condition?” (particularly so where it is a list of typical symptoms of ADHD rather than an isolated one).

You cannot be ‘a bit ADHD’ and we haven’t all got a bit of it, for some people it seriously affects their ability to function and is a lifelong struggle. Good luck talking about it and perhaps ensure that you’re in the right place mentally and physically when you do this so that you can cope with any reaction (of theirs or yours) and be ready for challenge.

That said, good luck as I believe that talking about ADHD makes it easier for others to do so and there are still so many people lacking a diagnosis and wondering why their life is so hard.