When we snap at somebody over something minor, it is often an unconsidered reaction from a very deep place.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is often the reason. It is an emotionally dysregulated state that can cause you to overreact in response to perceived criticism. This is often disproportionate to the thing said and often this reaction comes out quickly and surprises us.
Many of us are perfectionists, and we overreact to minor mistakes. Additionally, this drives us to work harder and longer than others. Moreover, we fear the consequences of failure more than necessary. As a result, our effort can feel excessive and unsustainable. Nevertheless, the urge to prove ourselves remains.
Often our bar for failure is higher than what bosses or colleagues set. Additionally, this mismatch magnifies stress and narrows our priorities. We try to hide mistakes and push ourselves beyond healthy limits. In time, the pattern becomes unsustainable for mind and body. Ultimately, a balanced pace sustains performance and well‑being.
This impostor syndrome feeds the self-talk that you will be found out as the loser you really are. It makes you feel on edge a lot and prone to overreact to criticism. In short, the worry spikes and colours how you read others’ remarks.
I realise that, for most of my life, I have been nervous and worried about what people think. Additionally, I dislike conflict because it makes me feel vulnerable to criticism. It also reminds me of being criticised when I was young. I was very sensitive. I remember one example where I was a teenager and being shown how to wire a plug (which I now realise is an easy thing to do) and I just couldn’t watch and learn, I couldn’t translate what I was being taught into doing it myself. I felt embarrassed which led to me crying and feeling useless. I also felt criticised and guilty for reacting.
Until my diagnosis, I could ruin a day by how I read a work email. If it pressed my buttons, it inferred a criticism not always of me personally. It also criticized where I work, which, given that I am CEO, I take personally.
I have ruined days on holiday by logging on and instantly regretting it. Now I have a separate work and personal mobile phone. On my workstation I only have my work WhatsApp account.
It’s really important for me to see work as work and be able to transition across to home.
That said, my work has often been the stable part of my existence with my personal life much more chaotic and my identity has been tied intimately in with work. This self-definition grew from work success and leadership duties. I am careful to separate roles to protect balance.
I have tried to care less at times, to take potential criticism or comments personally only if it comes from people that I care about and respect their opinion. Why take advice or feedback from somebody that you don’t know or respect? Conversely, when the person nearest to you gets your explosive response to something they say or do in innocence it can cause rifts which can lead to breakups. I know that RSD has been a significant driver behind some break-ups in the past. I now work with my partner to have a language around my reactions, I try to respond after taking a breath before reacting to what she says (even with insight it still happens at times). I have to assume that she cares about me, loves me and wants the best for me rather than that she is ready to twist the knife if she gets half a chance (I know that isn’t true!) Read more here from other sites…
