1. You need the right ‘fit’ depending on what you are looking for. Do you want to work in a relational way to build a relationship of trust and explore your life or focus on specific areas? Don’t be afraid of moving from one therapist to a new one if you don’t feel it fits. I liken it a little glibly to choosing a driving instructor!
2. You need to be aware of how you feel with your therapist. What do you want/need from them? Do you experience any kind of awkwardness or triggering ie some issues you have with authority figures and the therapist reminds you of a parent/headteacher etc.
3. How regularly do you want to have your sessions? Weekly or fortnightly or even more regularly?
4. What can you afford presuming you’re going private and paying?
5. Qualifications are important as anyone can call themselves a counsellor, certainly in the UK. The terms are not legally protected. Psychotherapy is a regulated profession though and many counsellors and therapists are registered and thoroughly trained. You should ask them how they keep up-to-date with personal development and check if they are members of a governing body e.g. BACP UKCP.
6. How would you find someone? Counselling directory is a good option for those open to work and you can do a lot of your checks in one place. Take care with recommendations, whilst helpful in some ways, your relationship with a therapist is often very individual to you and may not work for your friend or family member but it is better than just googling potentially. It’s not like recommending a plumber who always does a good job though.
7. How do you want to work? In-person, remotely or a mix. If you want to build a rapport would you find it easier in person or remotely? Is your therapist close enough to visit or is this impractical because for example you don’t drive and they are not easy to get to on public transport.
8. When to have therapy?
Consider how to fit it into your day and how you want to feel about the work you do but take time either side of your session to a) prepare and then b) decompress afterwards. This might be a factor in choosing face-to-face or remote or a mix of both.
9. When will you know that the therapy is helping? Do you have defined outcomes in mind or just want to have someone non-judgemental in your corner?
10. Be honest with your therapist. It’s easy to just tell them what you want to so they don’t hear your darkest and most shameful secrets. This isn’t helpful though if this is partly why you need therapy. It may take time to get to this point but making your therapist like you means accepting you for your full self and not just the one you want to show them. For example, I’ve started opening up over behaviours that could be ADHD but we’ve worked together for 15 years and never put this together before. It’s giving us fresh material and a new direction to explore.
11. Talk about going to therapy (even if not disclosing why). Normalise the experience, why bother paying for gym membership and healthy food/nice clothes if you feel unfulfilled and rotten inside. It’s a lifestyle choice or treatment for problems depending on how you frame it, but let’s not stigmatise it.
12. Finally, good luck, if you find someone you’re happy working with then I’m really pleased for you. It can be transformational.
Please feedback with your tips/experiences.
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