Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria or RSD can be absolutely crippling for those who experience it.
RSD is commonly described as an intensive emotional reaction to real or perceived criticism or rejection. The worse thing about RSD is that you can spiral very suddenly and dramatically to what may well be the slightest of things and the vast majority of the time the others involved in the perceived slight are oblivious. Self-inflicted pain and even punishment.
I can relate to this and list below examples of stimulus for RSD based on real experiences leading to severe drops in mood:
- Someone fails to respond to your text/message (they must not want me around right now)
- You’ve planned to meet a mate out for drinks, they cancel due to childcare issues (they don’t want to be out with me but made an excuse)
- You’ve planned to meet up and they say they have to go home earlier than usual because they have an early start at work in the morning (they don’t want to be out with me but feel they have to now, but will minimise how long for)
- Meeting your mate for a pint and they say they’ve invited someone else along too (I’m not good enough company for them on my own, they’re bringing someone else who is more interesting)
- Go to an event and you and your pal don’t seem to be hitting it off with the usual jokes and ‘banter’ (yep, they’re bored of me and I’m going to get out of here)
- You have a chat with someone you like/respect and then walk away but look back to see how they respond, there’s laughter once you leave in the group (they think I’m an idiot)
- Your partner comes over to you while you’re cooking and suggests turning the heat down on the hob and also comment on how you’re preparing the vegetables for steaming (they don’t trust me, they think I’m useless)
- You’re in a Teams meeting and put comments in the chat, nobody reacts when you do it but other people’s posts get thumbs up emojis etc (people don’t care what I say)
So the point is that RSD is truly horrible and can add to a sense of being irrelevant, invisible, unimportant which is more a reflection of the self esteem of the sufferer than the reality of the situation.
It’s awful.
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Often checking out the reality of a perceived criticism or rejection can put your mind at rest but it’s brave to seek that conversation to clarify.
Many neurodivergent people experience RSD frequently, often many times a day and nobody else even knows.
Exhausting.
Have you experienced it and what do you do when it happens? Feel free to add examples from yourself or others to help to show others how common it is.
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