With being on a break from work to avoid burnout and come to terms with my recent (late) diagnosis of ADHD it has crossed my mind that I have a lot to come to terms with and for others too.
Others will also need to come to terms with how my new realisations affect me.
For my whole life I have coped by suppressing anything that could cause harm then into my 20s and onwards I started to be more impulsive, compulsive and reckless. I could also be morose and quick to snap or simply zone out and remove myself from my surroundings. I must have been tricky to be close to for most of my life because I didn’t really know where my head went either.
I have got to the point where I believe that work and the structure it brings has enabled me to mask those other aspects of me that can eat away in quiet moments, because of this I make sure not to have many of those!
I don’t know yet what I’ll change when I go back to work but it does play an important part in defining my identity and giving me purpose. Outside of work I can be a hot mess emotionally and very different to the me in work which is why I need to marry these two people up and merge where it can be of help and work with the less helpful aspects.
I think that getting to know yourself and others within the framework of a diagnosis or potential one is critical to our ongoing wellbeing and will go a long way towards determining the quality of your life post-diagnosis. It’s not enough in itself to recognise your own traits and work with them, you need to bring others along too – many people won’t understand, won’t want to or will see you in a different way to how you are getting to know the ‘real’ unmasked you. That’s a challenge.
I’m getting help through talking therapies and ADHD coaching as well as reading up and soaking up what I can to help me to embrace (not try to remove) the ADHD traits that have been there all the time.
So over this time I am figuring out where I’m at my best, what I’m good at and where I struggle and will work with my teammates when I go back to talk about how we work best together. I’ve got a some real perspective changes to try and overcome.
How to manage ADHD in yourself and others has to be highly individualised as we are all different and ADHD shows up differently in different people. Some people rule out their own diagnosis because they weren’t naughty kids or hyperactive, this is only a small part of a much wider set of symptoms/traits.
I think the following represents some of the steps that can be useful for those with ADHD and others:
- Get feedback from family, friends and work colleagues to help identify strengths and things that hold you back (careful, read more about RSD if unsure why)
- Take time to understand yourself through any means necessary. Get in touch with who you really are without having to put on an act. Write down what makes you happy, unhappy and examples of them to help give you a point of reference.
- Figure out the traits that cause you harm or distress and prioritise working to minimise their impact. This may mean getting help with emotional regulation, money issues, inattentiveness at work etc.
- Talk with coaches, therapists, friends, work colleagues, family about what needs to be put in place to help you to function.
- Don’t be ashamed, you’re not broken or lazy or damaged. You’re wired differently and that takes some getting used to when you know it objectively rather than just feeling ‘odd’.
One idea I’ve got which I hope can help people prepare for a potential GP referral or assessment but also help themselves to understand themselves is a user manual based on the Haines motor manuals (stay with me here!). In it I will list typical traits with space to list how they manifest in me and how they can be helpful and not so much with advice on how to work with me/relate to me, avoid triggering unwanted responses etc. So a personalised ADHD guidebook based on understanding of self and helping others to work with you.
I’m up for contacting anyone willing to help me to test it out with them and building up the format and questions so please get in touch using all methods available if interested!
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