So I’m in a very reflective mood as I plan what I want life to look like for the future. Taking this time out from work is very rare (and discombobulating) for me but necessary so I can come back with new renewed focus and refreshed with in mind what I and others need, not merely fulfilling a role.
My identity is very tightly wrapped up with my work role (p.s. be very careful with that) and at work I’ve normally known what to do in contrast to my private life which at time has been messy! It’s not the first time I’ve had a busy week at work and had nothing left mentally for the weekend which can lead you to the incorrect conclusion that perhaps you don’t like your home life.
Incorrect, currently it is because I’m exhausting myself keeping up and have little left at the end of the week. I can be a little kinder to myself thinking this way since my conclusive ADHD assessment, it’s not my fault.
Looking back at the signs, I’ve always thought that I was different but suppose that everyone does. I’ve bounced back from adversity a number of times, it’s all I know but it provides a very effective mask to the world who dont see how much you struggle out of the limelight.
I lost a job before because mentally I downed tools after clashing with my boss who had head-hunted me. I also just didn’t enjoy the culture I worked in and if I don’t believe in what I’m doing I can turn off. They did it via a redundancy process which circumnavigated proper HR rules paying me off which kept me from taking them to an employment tribunal. It does stay with me though that I wasn’t even allowed to clear my desk and say goodbye to my work colleagues.
It was an awful way to treat somebody but sadly is commonplace in NHS management.
I bounced back going self employed as a locum practice manager then fortunately Notts LMC took a chance on me and I’ve done ok since taking that on in 2013.
I work with some fabulous people in Nottinghamshire Local Medical Committee Ltd and am privileged to be put in a position of trust to help to stand up for GPs and their teams across Nottinghamshire.
I hope to return to work in the new year all being well but need to deal with a depression diagnosis, burnout symptoms and a new ADHD diagnosis – Happy Christmas!!
Working on where I want life to go next but I am inspired by the realisation that so many people of my age group are under diagnosed and don’t talk about ADHD. Maybe in my own small way I can help.
I have been close to tragedy, lost my 19 year old brother in a car crash at Christmas 1997 as well as losing friends so I know very well that life can be too short.
The happiest people I know are spending their time doing what they care about. It matters little about how much money they have, but the common theme is that they have people close to them, relatives and others. That’s surely what it’s all about. Connection and meaning.
Do something that you want to do and care about, you don’t have time for anything else.
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