It’s gone viral over the last few months leading up to Christmas and the New Year festivities, the ‘Invisible Guest theory’.
The idea behind it is that put simply people are so self conscious when they approach a new social setting/grouping that they are thinking of themselves, they may be thinking all or any of the following (especially if they are an ADHDer):
How do I look?
Are my clothes suitable for the event?
Did I say something stupid?
Can I remember the names of people i’m introduced to?
Who do I want to see/not want to see?
Am I laughing too much? Do I seem needy or desperate for others to like me?
How long do I need to stay for?
What will people say when i’ve left?
And so on…
So it’s not hard to imagine that people with all of these things bouncing around their heads are likely to be fixating on themselves and what they’re doing and to some degree other guests are invisible to them. If you’re the other guest that may be reassuring, stop worrying about yourself because everyone else is wrapped up in themselves.
Thinking like this can be freeing, not overthinking interactions particularly in groups as the likelihood is that people are not thinking about you or how you feel. You’re invisible to them in a sense as they are wrapped up in themselves (just as you probably are!)
So as a simple idea which can be transported into other situations it could be helpful to remember that people have their own stuff to consider and won’t be anywhere near as conscious of you as you are. That said if one of your insecurities is that you feel easily missed, this may confirm what you were worried about – you’re invisible but then so is everyone else so don’t overthink it!!
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