I got my full 30+ page report from my ADHD assessment a few weeks ago and was graded as being/having:
Moderate to severe ADHD
Inattentive markers 9/9
Hyperactive/impulsive 5/9
So here I am in mid January and what’s going on?
Well I’m still on antidepressants as I have been for a year, for now I’ll stay on them to perk me up I still have therapy and I now receive something called ADHD coaching from an excellent coach called Becky which happens for an hour every week.
I’m on a phased return at work (since 5 Jan) and I am doing half-time hours and hope to go back to full time in February (got too much to do)!
What’s life like as a new ADHDer? Well for me I seem to have a new lightness of being and I feel much calmer than I did, in November I was definitely approaching full on burnout and confusion and was completely obsessed with assigning every behaviour with what part of the ADHD it aligned with. In my hyperfixation about ADHD I started a website to raise awareness and get people talking with the associated social media channels. I started a podcast using a clever Google tool which takes source material and turns it into an interesting conversation between my two virtual hosts – Aidee and Haider!
The diagnosis on paper is really life changing and I feel that it vindicates me for so much of what I’ve struggled with in life. I didn’t know I was ‘masking’ I just knew that I found some things hard that others found easy and didn’t know why.
I do look back with a different lens and a more forgiving approach to my younger self. I’ve realised that I have always found it hard with such things as:
Daydreaming – did it at school a lot and ignored schoolwork
Inattention – seems to be getting worse, losing grip on what I’m doing and forgetting simple instructions
Particular difficulty with listening and registering what is said to me, my skill for forgetting names upon introduction to new people is quite somsomething
Distraction – I love anything new and it often gets in the way of something I need to do
Rejection sensitivity – I can take perceived or real criticism really badly, it can cut to the core and affect my self esteem – often it’s not even real but invented by me
Impulsiveness also looks like obsession. Hyperfocus/fixation falls into this box too. I can exclude all other things and focus almost all my attention on one new shiny venture
Binge eating and feeling low, I have a lifelong history of feeding myself to feel better which then leads to shame and upset.
These are just a few of the issues I am working with, how am I doing this?
I’m reading, a dear colleague has lend a book by TJ Power about brain chemicals which is already teaching me a lot about dopamine rushes and the consequences of them
I get weekly ADHD coaching to work on areas of executive function, how to get things done and understand my strengths and sabateurs
I’m continuing to work with my therapist who I’ve seen for 16 years, only recently have we considered ADHD which seems mad considering how much of my history pointed to that
I’m talking openly on social media about it which is cathartic and really gratifying when someone says that it helps them and continuing to post on my website http://www.hyperfocused.co.uk and am looking to launch an online shop to produce more clothes and accessories that is around ADHD and wellbeing, to help with awareness and normalising neurodivergence rather than seeing as always serious and taboo.
I came to a bit of an epiphany the other day, I think that the secret to happiness is the ability to live happily with yourself – everything else grows from there.
I’m gradually learning to stop and take stock, think before acting and focus on the here and now…who am I kidding? I’m still easily distracted and taken away with hyperfocus
Please do let me know your stories and thoughts so I can share them and build a community around this.
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