A Story of Eight Years, a Bachelor’s Degree, and One Unfinished Translation
A late ADHD diagnosis makes you rewatch the movie of your life, this time through a totally different lens. What I saw was a lifetime of unnecessary struggle, self-doubt, and unanswered questions.
Questions such as, ‘How could I spend eight years translating a 100-page book and yet still end up failing?’ 🤔
Here’s the story. Once, I met a Tibetan Buddhist teacher who had recently published a beautiful treatise. I loved it and immediately decided that I must translate it into Czech. I got the rights and started right away.
In 3 months, the first draft was done. I imagined a swift finish, a few rounds of feedback, and then the book would be ready.
Instead, I kept hitting an invisible wall.
- I thought it was because I was lazy. So, I pushed through. I tried to get a fresh start each time and got back to the beginning. Again and again. Eventually, I stopped counting the number of versions.
- I thought it was because I didn’t have enough uninterrupted time. So, I took a vacation from work. Each day, I wondered why I was procrastinating until around 2 p.m., then tried to focus for an hour or two, and then gave up.
- I thought it was because I couldn’t translate well. So, I applied to a bachelor’s study of translation studies while working, translated part of another book as my bachelor’s thesis, and passed with flying colours.
- I thought I needed a coach. We set up realistic goals and rewards; I knew why it was important to me. It didn’t help.
- I felt bad, guilty, and disoriented. We set new goals, to no avail. Then I assured the coach that I would manage, thanked her, smiled to make her happy, and never returned to the translation again.
This is what happens to people with ADHD who do not know they have it, or who do not get the support they need. Each and every day, they use all their willpower to fight obstacles that do not make any sense. They fight and keep losing.
Now that I know I have ADHD, I’m starting to get an idea of how to play this game.
I still don’t know what kept stopping me. But next time it happens, I’ll know what to do.
With better knowledge of how my brain works, I’ll explore the situation. Probably with the help of an ADHD coach, we’ll search for what is happening there. We may find a good amount of perfectionism, all-or-nothing thinking, and fear of being judged. We’ll look at my strengths, and we will definitely find some fun ways to keep my brain engaged.
This is probably the most important revelation that came with my diagnosis – ADHDers do not have to suffer through their lives. With the right tools and understanding, we’re often much more efficient if we take it easy and have some fun.
Such a relief! ✨
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