I discovered a link, I think, this week between my mood levels and creative output – hear me out.

I’d been off on sick leave with work-related stress for six weeks and came back in the week on reduced hours. During that time off I had time to work on myself and developing ways of helping calm my busy mind and regulate my moods supported by therapy and my ADHD coach.

I just didn’t work very hard or consistently on some of this and instead hyperfixated on creating content for my website and social media. It was cathartic and satisfied what seemed like an especially hungry mind, appetite to create.

It was crazy, I got lost in it all and it was like someone else was in charge of what I was doing.

I guessed it was my age old way of distracting myself from things I didn’t want to deal with, or the ADHD meds giving me even more hyperfocus.

What I didn’t consider, and am now wondering, is whether this was more about having an outlet for my feelings. I often have a mood without knowing how I feel, I describe it as ‘flat, sad, down, exhausted, tired, stuck, broken’ as I feel like all apply as descriptors. Could it be that this mass content creation which includes writing song/poem lyrics, producing videos, writing blog posts etc is more about going somewhere with pent up energy that is direction less, random but massively powerful?

It could still be all about distraction of course, but the more and more I think about it the more it feels like me trying to express myself to make sense of the busy racing thoughts.

I started diazepam yesterday to try to reduce my anxiety and difficulty regulating, I somehow need to calm the mind and just be for a bit.

Does this resonate in any way with you?